Is it wrong for unmarried
couple to sleep together?

Q. My boyfriend and I are both Christians. My mother is bothered by my boyfriend sleeping in my room when he comes to visit (we live in different states). We know it is wrong to have sex before marriage. We are just simply sleeping in the same bed and that's it. Is this wrong?

(Submitted by: Brandis)

A. You ask if it is wrong to be sleeping in the same bed and enjoying the other person being there beside you. No, not if you are MARRIED. Hebrews 13:4 is the definitve answer to your question.

"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled. " (Hebrews 13:4, NKJV, throughout.)

What is the author saying here? Is he not declaring that sleeping together is honorable if the man and woman are married? What if they are NOT married? Let's look at the last part of Hebrews 13:4 :

". . . but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. "

The author contrasts the marriage bed with fornicators and adulterers in the same verse. You say that you and your friend are saving sex for marriage. I believe you. The question is can both of you wait that long? If not you become fornicators. Fornication is defined loosely as any sex outside marriage.

Strong's Concordance defines fornication (#4205, Porno) as committing sexual immorality of any kind. It is also considered to be idolatry and prostitution. The Apostle Paul had this to say about fornication (or sexual immorality):

"Flee sexual immorality.  Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body." (1Corinthians 6:18)
In the Old Testament women were never permitted to be close enough to any male until they were betrothed and then only under chaperoned conditions. A betrothed woman was legally bound to her future husband even if she had never met him - so if another male took her virginity she was considered immoral and could be stoned to death for adultery along with the male. If an unbetrothed woman and a single man had sex, the man was to pay the woman's family a certain amount of money and was forced to marry her----and never be able to divorce her:

"If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out, then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days." (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)

1Thessalonians 5:22 warns to:

"Abstain from every form of evil. "

I sincerely and strongly urge you both to consider and reconsider sleeping together until marriage. As a married man of 36 years I can tell you it is well worth the wait.

Written by:  Tommy West
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