The apostle John wrote,

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love " ( I John 4:8).

To know and be like God is to have developed a capacity for godly love. The Spirit of God influences us to love. It stands to reason then that the more of the Holy Spirit we have, the greater will be our capacity and inclination to love in a godly manner. Paul wrote that the

" . . . love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us" ( Romans 5:5, KJV).

Of course there are those who ridicule the notion that Christians should express love in any emotional way. They view it as mere maudlin sentimentality. They see it as an "unmasculine" feminized form of faith. They make fun of Christians – especially men – who openly express affection through hugging, verbal expression, or emotion. Several years ago, a woman who was a neighbor of one of my late relatives expressed revulsion at the fact that men at the local Pentecostal Church "openly hugged each other right out on the street in front of the church!" She seemed to believe that the church was encouraging, contrary to Scripture, homosexual relationships between men.

The well-meaning lady had no clue. In her mind, she was expressing righteous indignation, and the men were expressing perversion! She couldn't have been more wrong. Yet, her life to date had been a story of good works and care for others. She could understand love so long as it was expressed in an unemotional way.

Jesus' New Commandment

Jesus, in teaching his own talmidim – disciples – said,

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" ( John 13:34-35).

Now ask yourself this: If Jesus' disciples did not openly express their love for each other, then how would "all men" know that they were his followers? Of course the issue is how was this affection and love appropriately expressed? There truly were occasions in which the disciples of Jesus showed physical affection for each other. In John 13:23 (KJV) we read,

"Now there was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of his disciples whom Jesus loved."

This is not referring to a homosexual relationship, but to simple affection between teacher and pupil.

The way the first Christians treated each other in public was the visible sign that they were Christians. Their interpersonal relationships were wholesome, selfless, giving, forgiving, and mutually supportive. Unlike much of the Church today, they were not competitive enemies. They were "in it together." At the same time, they had their occasional disagreements. After appropriate prayer and haggling, they worked out their differences and moved unitedly ahead (i.e. Acts 15).

Love, like faith, without works or manifestation, is dead. If we say we have love, but we do nothing that demonstrates it, we have no reason to claim it. Love, to be love, has to have legs.

Now, here's a little test. If you have concluded that I am talking about men hugging men as the demonstration of love, you missed the point. That may be a minor symptom, but it's not the issue at hand here. The way Christians treat each other is.

The word used for love in the Greek Gospel that preserved Jesus' originally Hebrew words is agape. Its basic meaning is "love." Nothing in the Greek-English Lexicon suggests that it means primarily a display of emotion or affection, yet that need not be excluded. The word itself can mean "human love," "the love of God and Christ" (toward men, or of Christ to the Father), or it can refer to the "love feasts" of the early Church (Bauer, Arndt, Gingrich A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament, pp. 5-6).

In short, Jesus taught that if one is a true Christian, one loves one's fellow Christians. How this love is manifested is determined by the need of the moment.

Love is the antonym for hate. True Christians do not hate other Christians for any reason. If they do so, it is a symptom of spiritual immaturity. It is one thing to disagree on a point, it is quite another to hate. There is no room in the Christian's emotional vocabulary for hatred.

Paul's Vision of Maturity

The apostle Paul was concerned for the spiritual maturity of the churches under his care. In reflecting on his own spiritual development, Paul wrote to the Corinthians,

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish things behind me" ( I Corinthians 13:11).

Consider the nature of a child. The smaller the child, the more self-centered it tends to be. A small baby thinks only of its own needs, comfort and wants. It is a black hole of self, sucking everything into it. It sees the universe as revolving around itself.

As the child grows, its awareness of things, people and needs outside of itself is heightened. Instead of seeing all toys as its own, it eventually learns that some toys belong to other children. Gradually, incrementally, the child's world opens up. As it matures, it moves progressively outside of itself into the larger world of others. Over time, it becomes "socialized." (For those who wish to study the emotional development of children, you might consider the work of Piaget & Kohlberg.)

Arrested Development

Children who freeze their emotional and intellectual progress at certain levels are said to have become victims of arrested development. We have all know adult men and women who appear to be emotional adolescents. Such people can become "emotional vampires" sucking the energy of all who come in contact with them. Like children, they use emotion as a weapon. Sometimes such arrested adults use "emotional blackmail" techniques to manipulate and control others. Books have been written on this subject.

If an arrested or immature adult is not getting enough attention, he or she may, like a neglected child, seek "negative strokes" by doing something outrageous, creating a crisis, or accusing someone close of something of which they are not guilty. Now all attention shifts to the person generating the crisis. Everyone around them begins to appease and cater to the proverbial "squeaky wheel." Some react defensively. Either that, or they become angry with them. The troublemaker now has what he or she wanted: attention and control. Such arrested people would rather receive negative attention than to be ignored.

Every family it seems has in it a gaggle of such people. They test the maturity of all of the other family members. They challenge us, stretch us, and force us to dig deep into our bag of emotional and spiritual resources. They try our patience to the max. Often they drive us to our knees in prayer.

The problem of arrested development occurs in people at both the natural level and at the spiritual level.

Arrested Spiritual Development

When we find Christians who have been baptized for decades behaving as though they were "baby Christians" we are probably looking at cases of arrested spiritual development. If we find ourselves fighting the same old problems we fought when we were first converted, we may be suffering from it ourselves. Here are some ways of testing for arrested spiritual development:

• Do you still have just as big a problem with your temper as when you were first converted?

• Do you feel spiritually powerless?

• Do you have long dry spells in which nothing seems to be going on between you and God?

• Are you unable to generate love, care and concern for others?

• Do you live a fundamentally self-centered, self-seeking life?

• Do you still seek to manipulate and control others through tantrums, emotional blackmail and negative stroke seeking?

• Is it "all about you"?

• Do anger, hatred and jealousy play an inordinately large role in the way you express your personality?

• Do you put others down to make yourself look better?

• Does your life reflect more of the works of the flesh than fruit of the Spirit?

• Do you seek to get next to important church leaders in order to project "merit by association"?

These questions and their answers are revealing. They can be helpful in taking stock of where you are in a trajectory toward spiritual maturity.

How Spiritually Mature Love is Manifested

Let us now return to Paul's discussion of it. We have already seen that one of the marks of immaturity as seen in babies is an utter preoccupation with self. Paul, after explaining that he had put away childish things, goes on to show that

" . . . love is not self-seeking" ( I Corinthians 13:4).

So the trajectory from immaturity to maturity leads outward from self. Mature love is selfless love. Immature love is self-love.

Furthermore, Paul goes on to explain that no matter what else we can do – speak in angelic or human tongues we didn't learn, demonstrate the gift of prophecy, fathom mysteries like Daniel did, or even exercise mountain-moving faith – if we can't express love, spiritually we're nothing. Appropriate, godly love then is at the heart of spiritual maturity. Knowing that, isn't it something we ought to be actively seeking to achieve and express?

Love is the first-listed fruit of the Holy Spirit ( Galatians 5:22). As Paul also taught, every Christian should

"Follow the way of love…" ( I Corinthians 14:1).

When Paul describes to the Corinthian congregation the ways in which godly love is manifested, he is providing a treatise on spiritual maturity. Spiritual maturity is characterized by patience, good manners (civility), lack of envy, humility and a temper that is well under control. The spiritually mature person is not preoccupied with himself or herself. He or she has died to self.

Those who have reached a high level of spiritual maturity are no longer interested in keeping track of other people’s mistakes, sins and faults ( 1 Cor. 13:5). As Paul puts it, "they keep no record of wrongs." They have no war chest of offenses to unload on those over whom they wish to gain a psychological advantage in an argument.

A mature Christian rejoices in every new discovery of truth. He or she actively seeks out truth and follows it wherever it leads. He is not ashamed to jettison old errors in favor of better understanding.

Those who have reached higher plains of maturity take no delight – vicariously or otherwise – in evil. They do not view other’s evil as a way of making themselves look good by contrast. (One of the standard techniques of an emotionally immature person is to provoke another person to anger, and then attack them for the anger. This perfectly reflects the mind of Satan.)

A spiritually mature person has no wish to participate in evil, and they don’t delight in, or take advantage of, it when others fall into sin. They have no appetite for scandal. The National Enquirer is not their favorite reading. They mourn when a new Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein or Adolph Hitler becomes an instrument of spiritual darkness. They take no delight in plotting evil, living vicariously in the evil of others, or in hearing about the evil that men do. They actively seek to drive back the toxic spiritual darkness that envelops this world.

Those who are spiritually mature seek to protect others who are vulnerable in a dangerous world. Just as Jesus said to Peter,

"Satan has desired to sift you as wheat, but I have prayed for you," ( Luke 22:31)

Mmature Christians spend much time in intercessory prayer for others ( Luke 22:31; I Thessalonians 5:17). They are more "other oriented" than self-oriented.

Those who are spiritually advanced are not paranoid. They "believe all things" and offer others the benefit of the doubt. They are not fearful and suspicious, always expecting the worst ( 1Cor. 13:7).

A person who loves hangs in there and perseveres. He or she has hope and is optimistic about what God has in store for his faithful children. Mature Christians are not "fair weather friends." They stick with you in your worst as well as your best moments.

One of the most important characteristics of mature Christian love is that it "never fails" ( I Corinthians 13:8). Like the love of God itself, it is constant, unwavering, always there. A fully mature Christian has achieved a steady state of love. This kind of love is far greater than either faith or hope. It is the most concrete expression of spiritual maturity there is. Just as God never gives up on us ( Philippians 1:6), we must learn not to give up on each other. We can’t "write each other off" simply because we disagree on a point of doctrine, or an interpretation of facts or acts.

The Holy Spirit is the Empowering Source

Spiritual maturity also involves sensitivity to, and powerful leading by, the Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit that gives us the capacity to love as God loves (as we learned earlier – Romans 5:5). The influence of the Spirit of God in a spiritually immature person is at best but a flickering ember. In the spiritually mature, it is a roaring flame. As we move deeper into obedience to God, the influence of the Holy Spirit grows greater. As Peter said,

"We are witnesses of these things, and so is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those that obey him." ( Acts 5:32).

At the same time, it is the Holy Spirit that gives us the capacity to obey God. Paul prayed that Christians might be

"strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man" ( Ephesians 3:16b).

The Holy Spirit imparts the power of God to the people of God ( Acts 1:8). It enables us to transcend our natural human capacities and limitations. The more of God’s Spirit we have indwelling, the quicker we’ll attain to spiritual maturity. Since the capacity to love in a godly way is a product of the Holy Spirit, so spiritual maturity is also its fruit.

Note: This article does not contain all that could be said about spiritual maturity. However, the pursuit of godly love is the "pump-primer." If we actively seek the love as God loves, other aspects of spiritual maturity will fall into place.

Written by: Brian Knowles