Should WE choose a mate
or wait until God sends one?

Q. I always hear people saying that they are waiting for God to send them a spouse. How much control do we have at choosing our mates? Do we choose our mate and then take the relationship to God? If we are free moral beings, why do so many people feel they need to wait on God before they find a mate?

(Submitted by: William)

A. Adam didn't have your problem, did he? Neither did many men in the Bible, since their mates were chosen, generally, by the fathers. But we live in the 21st century, and things have changed. Kids meet at all-night drunk parties, shack up, fight, have kids, fight, let welfare pay their way, and live in dingy third story walk-ups.

But you want better than that, so your first step is to attend prospect-rich environments: church dances, summer camps, picnics, and such. Volunteer at good clean events where you can meet others your own age. Attend worship services at churches other than the one you usually attend. Somewhere, amid all that, there's a young lady who wants to spend her future with Mr. Right.

Take time to chat and listen to the girls. Ask questions that will get them talking about themselves, their hopes, their dreams. And don't volunteer to talk about yourself until they ask. You have to make them the most important person in the conversation.

In your prayers tell God about some of the young ladies you've met, and for his help in deciding whether any of them are right for you.

Whatever you do, don't sit on your front porch waiting for God to send you a mate. You'll wait a long time, and about the only thing he'll send is rain and snow.

For an important principle in dating let's read 1Samuel 16:7 :

"But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for [the LORD seeth] not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. "

The most gorgeous girl at the gathering won't likely make as good a mate as the plain Jane who seldom gets asked for a date.

Finally, William, when you and God decide who will be your life's mate, treat her like Johnny Lingo treated his bride.

In an island country where wives were purchased, the normal asking price was four cows; five or six if the woman was especially beautiful. But Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for a skinny, hesitant, shy woman who walked with her shoulders hunched and her head down. Everyone in the village was amazed.

Several months after the wedding Johnny's bride had transformed into a beautiful, poised, and confident woman. Johnny explained, "What matters most is what a woman thinks of herself. I wanted an eight-cow wife, and when I paid that for her, and treated her that way, she discovered she was worth more than any other woman in the islands."