Should we choose a mate or wait for God?
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Question: I always hear people saying that they are waiting for God to send them a spouse. How much control do we have at choosing our mates? Do we choose them first and then take the relationship to God? If we are free moral beings, why do so many people feel they need to wait on God before they find a mate?
Answer: Adam didn't have your problem, did he? Neither did many men in the Bible, since their mates were chosen, generally, by the fathers. But we live in the 21st century, and things have changed. Kids meet at all-night drunk parties, shack up, fight, have kids, fight, let welfare pay their way, and live in dingy third story walk-ups.
But you want better than that, so to start I suggest attending events where you are likely to find the greatest number of eligible females. These could be camps, church or school dances, big picnics, school clubs, church services (especially at churches other than your own if you have one) and so on. Another good way to possibly find a person to date would be to volunteer your time at worthy causes that already have people your age helping others out. Somewhere, amid all that, there's a young lady who wants to spend her future with Mister Right.
Take time to chat and listen to the girls. Ask questions that will get them talking about themselves, their hopes, their dreams. And don't volunteer to talk about yourself until they ask. You have to make them the most important person in the conversation.
When you pray to God tell him about the the young ladies you got to know then humbly ask for his aid in order to decide which of them (if any) might be a possible mate.
Whatever you do, don't sit on your front porch waiting for God to send you a mate. You'll wait a long time, and about the only thing he'll send is rain and snow.
An important principle in dating can be found in 1Samuel 16:7 where God admonishes the prophet Samuel NOT to judge someone by their outward appearance or looks but rather by their character. The most gorgeous girl at the gathering won't likely make as good a mate as the plain Jane who seldom gets asked for a date.