Husbands and Wives
Humorous Quotes

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Growing Old    -    Marriage    -    Money
Stupidity    -    Success    -    MORE!
If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words "we need to talk about our relationship" may help.
Rita Rudner
´╗┐When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Prince Philip of England
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Agatha Christie
God save us all from wives who are angels in the streets, saints in the church, and devils at home.
Charles Spurgeon
As soon as Eve ate the apple of wisdom, she reached for a fig leaf. When a woman begins to think, her first thought is of a new dress.
Herneich Heine

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
Benjamin Franklin
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul I have not been able to answer the great question . . . what does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
Remember, if you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
Woody Allen
A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it.
Don Fraser
There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
Benjamin Franklin
Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.
Robert Byrne
To the philosopher, time is one of the fundamental quantities. To the average man, time has something to do with dinner.
J.A. VanHorn
Failing to be there when a man wants her is a woman's greatest sin, except to be there when he doesn't want her.
Pope Paul VI
The husband may be the head of the household, but the wife is the neck.
A wife was asked, "Does your husband believe in life after death?" Her reply was "Hah! He doesn't even believe in life after supper!"
One husband told his wife on their golden anniversary "Fifty years ago today, your daddy put a shotgun to my head, and said that if I didn't marry you, he'd put me in jail for the next 50 years. If I had listened to him, I'd be a free man tomorrow."
George Goldtrap

Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.
Marlene Dietrich
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
It is a sad house where the hen crows louder than the cock.
Scottish Proverb
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup,
whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up!
Ogden Nash
Marriage is made in heaven, but so is thunder and lightning.
A wife is to thank God her husband has faults . . . A husband without faults is a dangerous observer.
George Savile
I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a $100 and said, "Buy yourself something that will make your life easier." So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Rita Rudner
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, two of which were just napping.
Rita Rudner
The new bride was shy. Before they checked into the honeymoon hotel, she told the groom not to tell anyone they were newlyweds. The next morning she came down to the lobby and all the other guests stared at her. At the breakfast table, she said to her new husband, "I asked you not to tell anyone we were newlyweds." The groom said, "I didn't. I told them we were just good friends!"
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
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Does God Approve of Dating?
Should God Choose Our Mates?

Humorous Quotes!
Atheists    -    Children    -    Death
Dogs & Cats    -    God and Man
Growing Old    -    Life's Lessons
Marriage    -    Money    -    Relationships
Stupidity    -    Success & Fame
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