Should we or God choose our mate?

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Question: I always hear people saying that they are waiting for God to send them a mate. How much control do we have in this? Do we choose them first and then take the relationship to God?

Answer: God made Adam so that he did not have this problem. Neither did many men in the Bible, since their mate was chosen, generally, by the fathers. But we live in the 21st century, and things have changed. Kids meet at all-night drunk parties, shack up, fight, have kids, fight, let welfare pay their way, and live in dingy third story walk-ups.

But you almost certainly want better than that, so to start I suggest attending events where you are likely to find the greatest number of eligible mates, hopefully those who believe in God. These could be camps, church or school dances, big picnics, school clubs, church services (especially at churches other than your own if you have one) and so on.

Is dating Biblical?
Does Bible allow arranged marriages?
Should all wives be submissive?

Another good way to possibly find a person to date and maybe to mate with would be to volunteer your time at worthy causes that already have people your age helping others out. Somewhere, amid all that, there's a young lady who wants to spend her future with Mister Right and someone God may approve of.

God creating mate for Adam
God creating mate for Adam
Michelangelo, 1509 - 10

Take time to chat and listen to the girls. Ask questions that will get them talking about themselves, their hopes, their dreams. And don't volunteer to talk about yourself until they ask. You have to make them the most important person in the conversation.

When you pray to God tell him about the the young ladies you got to know then humbly ask for his aid in order to decide which of them (if any) might be a possible mate.

Whatever you do, don't sit on your front porch waiting for God to send you a mate. You'll wait a long time, and about the only thing he'll send is rain and snow.

An important principle in dating can be found in 1Samuel 16:7 where God admonishes the prophet Samuel NOT to judge someone by their outward appearance or looks but rather by their character. The most gorgeous girl at the gathering won't likely make as good a mate as the plain Jane who seldom gets asked for a date.

Finally, when you and God decide who will be your life's mate, treat her like Johnny Lingo treated his bride. In an island country where wives were purchased, the normal asking price was four cows; five or six if the woman was especially beautiful. But Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for a skinny, hesitant, shy woman who walked with her shoulders hunched and her head down. Everyone in the village was amazed.

Several months after the wedding Johnny's mate had transformed into a beautiful, poised, and confident woman. Johnny explained, "What matters most is what a woman thinks of herself. I wanted an eight-cow wife, and when I paid that for her, and treated her that way, she discovered she was worth more than any other woman in the islands."

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How is the marriage bed defiled?
Who are the toughest women in Scripture?
Is sex before the wedding wrong?
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