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Are arranged marriages wrong? |
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Q. My family's ethnic background is India-Indian. When the time comes I'm sure I'll be expected to have an arranged marriage by my parents. Since I was raised in America I obviously don't want that. Is arranged marriage wrong? What should I do? (Submitted by: Anish) A. Depending on the process involved, arranged marriages aren't necessarily wrong from a biblical standpoint. Arranged marriages are the custom of some cultures and peoples such as in India as you described. If the process involves marriage to someone who is completely a stranger, the chances of a happy marriage are diminished. To consider marrying someone, it is important to get to know what they are like. Is their personality compatible with yours? Do you enjoy their company and just being around them? Do you have common interests? To get to know a person involves spending a good deal of time with that person, a process known in the United States (U.S.) as dating. However, dating should not involve having sexual relations as is common in many countries and the U.S. . The Bible condemns such sexual relations as fornication. "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. " (1Corinthians 6:18)
A Godly marriage is a love relationship as shown in the New Testament Book of Ephesians. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.
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"He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." (Ephesians 5:22-33)
In a Godly marriage, true love between a husband and a wife will grow as each gets to know each other intimately. This kind of godly love develops after the marriage takes place.
Our advice is that you first try to explain to your parents that you do love them and want to honor them by trying to carry out their wishes. Then explain that you have come to see that the happiest marriages are those where time is taken to get the know the future marriage partner. If they would be willing to let you get to know the person they want you to marry with the opportunity to decline if that person is not compatible with you, then you could give it a try if it is practical, given your job and other circumstances. Otherwise, try to explain to them in the most tactful way possible that it is extremely important to you that you find the right person, and that although you respect them for their beliefs, you cannot oblige them in their custom and desire for an arranged marriage for you. Before you approach your parents in discussing this matter in any way, pray to Almighty God to grant you favor and understanding in their sight. We hope this explanation is helpful.
Answer Given By: Al & Debra Murrey |
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