What does the Bible
say about dating?

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Question: What does the Bible say about dating?

Answer: Is there a correct way to go about dating according to the Bible? Do you make a shopping list, and check off each step? Did this. Check! Did that. Check! Dating that way would be as exciting as watching paint dry.

Courtship is like the rest of life. It has many twists and turns, and you deal with them as they come.

The Bible says very little about dating because wives were generally chosen by the parents. The nearest to a Bible courtship begins in Genesis 28:1-2 where Isaac told Jacob to go to Padanaram and marry one of his uncle Laban's daughters.

"And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan. Arise, go to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother's father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban thy mother's brother." (Genesis 28:1-2)

The narrative jumps to Genesis 29 where Jacob fell head over heels in love with his cousin Rachel. Jacob declared his willingness to work as his uncle's hired hand for seven years for Rachel. When his uncle tricked Jacob into marrying Rachel's older sister, Leah, Jacob agreed to work another seven years to have Rachel. What devotion and love he had! :

"So Jacob went on his journey and came to the land of the people of the East . . . And Jacob said to them, "My brethren, where are you from?" And they said, "We are from Haran." Then he said to them, "Do you know Laban the son of Nahor?" And they said, "We know him."

"Now while he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she was a shepherdess. And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother's brother . . . (he) rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the flock of Laban . . .Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice and wept. And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father's relative and that he was Rebekah's son. So she ran and told her father . . .

"Now Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah's eyes were delicate, but Rachel was beautiful of form and appearance. Now Jacob loved Rachel; so he said, "I will serve you SEVEN YEARS for Rachel your younger daughter." . . . So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her.

"Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife . . . And Laban gathered together all the men of the place and made a feast . . .

"And he (Jacob) said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served you? Why then have you deceived me?" And Laban said, "It must not be done so in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn . . . we will give you this one also for the service which you will serve with me still ANOTHER SEVEN YEARS." Then Jacob did so . . . So he gave him his daughter Rachel as wife also." (Genesis 29:1, 4-5, 9-12, 16-18, 20-22, 25-28)

When I was a teenager (fifty-something years ago), no one picked a girl and decided they would be dating. We went out with many girls -- no kissing, no sex -- just a good time at the beach, or bowling, or at the movies. Eventually the chemistry of love began working between a particular couple, and it became apparent they were meant for each other. Only then did they begin dating.

Even then, however, everything didn't necessarily go smoothly in regard to dating. In my own case, I found myself deeply in love with a very beautiful girl, and we began thinking about marriage. However, she went to college where she met a fellow, and wrote to say they were going to be married.

That hurt, but God had better plans. One of the girls I had often dated -- a short, real plain Jane -- had been waiting. When the letter came from college, Jeannette made sure she was at the head of the line for dates. At age 21 we married. We had a wonderful life together for three years, until she got sick and sadly died at the age of 24.

Life then took me far from home, where I met another girl. After a short courtship Betty and I married, and have shared life happily together for nearly forty years.

One last little bit of advice I can offer regarding dating is: don't mistake sex for love. If he wants you to prove your love by letting him use your body, there's not much love there. Prove your love, and let him prove his, by saying no until marriage. Thank you for your question about what they bible says about dating.