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At what age can parents discipline children with spanking? What behavior warrants spanking?

My four-year-old has become very defiant.
At what age can parents discipline children with spanking?
What behavior warrants spanking?
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Q. I am a mother of two children. My four-year-old has become very defiant and disrespectful. At what age can we, as parents, discipline our children with spanking? And, in a society where spanking is considered child abuse, how do I know that her bad behavior warrants a spanking? Where can I look in the bible for some guidelines?

(Submitted by: Tracy)

A. Your question will be answered in three parts:

1. To answer the first question consider cause and effect. Since the family atmosphere has not been one of calmness, your daughter is simply acting out her responses to it. She is too young to convey her feelings in words

2. To consider the age and knowing when the bad behavior warrants discipline with a spanking, turn to the Old Testament to the Proverbs where wise King Solomon gives us principles to follow in our everyday life. (As a side, it would be good to read a Psalm and a Proverb each day to allow all these practical and usable Scriptures become a part of our mind-set.)

" If you refuse to discipline your son [or daughter], it proves you don't love him; for if you love him, you will be prompt to punish him." (Prov 13:24, The Living Bible (TLB))
This definitely puts the responsibility on you as the parent with the words, "If you refuse to discipline. . . " As a parent who loves their child, you probably know their attitude more than a stranger. Allowing the child to have the control with their bad behavior then is not showing them love. Be sure to convey that you love them before the spanking so they will know you are not spanking in anger but in love. This may take a little practice. Don't get discouraged. You may have to count to 10 before actually spanking on your part of the session, so it won't be in anger. Then again, if it is done promptly, as is mentioned in this scripture, you may not need to do the counting. It is very important that it is done promptly, as a young child has a very short memory. Also, you may want to say a short prayer to ask God for the wisdom and self-control to discipline your child in love.

As to the age, look in Prov 19:18 :

"Discipline your son in his early years while there is hope. If you don't you will ruin his life." (TLB)

No actual age is mentioned, leaving that up to the parent's discretion. However, it is absolutely vital that you instill attitudes of respect into your child before they reach school age for those who will be in authority over them, such as their parents, teachers, policemen, etc. That way, they will already have that attitude as they grow up and come into contact with other adults.

" Discipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of mind, or he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." (Prov 29:17-18, RSV)

Then consider the next verse 18:

"When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is happy." (NLT)

This would also include a principle of when a child accepts the parents guidance, they will not run wild. When they obey they will be happy.

The most important thing for a child to learn when he/she is very young is first of all that he/she is loved, and secondly, the need to obey their parents. Consider this admonition to us as adults in the New Testament Book of Hebrews:

" And have you entirely forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you, his children? He said, "My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes those he accepts as his children." As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Whoever heard of a child who was never disciplined?

"If God doesn't discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children after all. Since we respect our earthly fathers [mothers] who disciplined us, should we not all the more cheerfully submit to the discipline of our heavenly Father and live forever? For our earthly fathers [mothers] disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God's discipline is always right and good for us because it means we will share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening--it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living [character] for those who are trained in this way. " (Hebrews 12:5-11, NLT)

To put it in modern vernacular 'What is good for the goose is good for the gander.' As the child grows into an adult they will always need to answer to someone, so it would be good to learn this early on. Look at this verse:

" He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son." (Revelation 21:7, KJV)

How will our children learn these things if they are not taught?

3. As for our society that considers spanking child abuse, we must be discrete when spanking in public. Our nation in general has gone so far away from God and His laws that they think that any kind of punishment is abuse. Both leaders and citizens alike also listened to the erroneous teachings of Benjamin Spock, MD (1903-1998) who advocated little physical discipline and was branded as the "father of permissiveness." It would be better not to spank in public, but to wait until we get home or to a private place. One thing you could do would be to give the child something to work for. For instance, offer a reward to be given at the return home, for good behavior while you are out. If there is an infraction then no reward is given.

But whatever you do, never allow the child to go on being continually disrespectful and having the control in all situations. Take your child-rearing concerns in prayer to God the Father, our perfect parent. Then be patient and do the best you can, always seeking God's advice and guidance from His Word.

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Answer Given By: Rick/Eileen Beltz



 
 
 
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