The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
If the earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything off by now.
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.
The dinosaur's eloquent lesson is that if some bigness is good, an over-abundance of bigness is not necessarily better.
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
Men should stop fighting among themselves and start fighting insects.
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophiliac, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn no other way.
All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.
If called by a panther . . . don't anther.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
Man is a dog's ideal of what God should be.
You want a friend in Washington D.C.? Get a dog.
Harry Truman, U.S. President
Two fleas meet in the street. One says to the other, "Do you want to walk or catch a dog?"
The flood ends. Noah tells all the animals to leave. "Go forth and multiply," the patriarch says. Two snakes lag behind. Noah asks why they don't go off. The snakes answer, "We can't multiply. We're adders!"
The male porcupine said to the female, "I do love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again!"
The day came and Noah brought the Ark to a standstill on Mount Ararat. The animals debarked. Two elephants walked off. Two lions. Two tigers. Then four gnus came down the gangplank. A spectator was surprised to see four animals of one kind. Noah explained, "You see, first there's the gnus and then there's the bad gnus!"
A tomcat says to a female cat, "For you I would die." The female asks, "How many times?"
A mother cat yelled at one of her kittens for coming home late. The kitten said, "Can't I lead one of my own lives?"
A dog will sit beside you while you work. A cat will sit on the work.
Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
If a dog jumps onto your lap it is because he is fond of you, but if a cat does the same thing it is because your lap is warmer.
Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.