Growing Older
Humorous Quotes

Atheists    -    Death    -    Dogs & Cats
Growing Old    -    Marriage    -    Money
Stupidity    -    Success    -    MORE!
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me: they're cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
You don't grow old; when you cease to grow, you are old.
Charles Judson Herrick
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
Stop whining about getting old. It's a privilege. A lot of people who are dead wish they were still alive.
Amy Poehler
Who is the Ancient of Days?
What is spiritual maturity?
How old were the Biblical patriarchs?

When I turned two, I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, "If this keeps up, by the time I'm six, I'll be ninety."
Steven Wright
Now that I'm older, the greatest question I ask myself is, "Will this activity require me to wear pants?"
Alan Ruth
How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.
Spanish Proverb
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
Rita Rudner
The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball
What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me half a calendar.
Rodney Dangerfield

A man of fifty is responsible for his face.
Edwin Stanton
I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even is that makes my sons illegitimate.
Nancy Lady Astor
I am not young enough to know everything.
Oscar Wilde
Life would be infinitely happier is we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
Mark Twain
If I'd known I was gonna live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
Ubie Blake
Middle age is when you have a choice of two temptations and choose the one that will get you home earlier.
The young man knows the rules but the old man knows the exceptions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
By the time a man gets well into his seventies his continued existence is a mere miracle.
Robert Louis Stevenson
I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
George Burns
Once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
Charles M. Schulz

All ballplayers should quit when it starts to feel as if all the baselines run uphill.
Babe Ruth
At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all.
Ann Landers
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.
George Burns
You can be young without money, but you can't be old without it.
Tennessee Williams
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Phyllis Diller
Zsa Zsa Gabor, when asked which of the Gabor women was the oldest, said, "She'll never admit it, but I believe it is Mama."

Additional Study Materials
Who lived to see ten generations of family?
Why did people live longer before the flood?
Family tree from Abraham to Jesus
Did God create Jesus?

Biblical Humor!
Jesus Laughs!   -   A Pain in the Rear
Lost in Translation   -   Laughter's Son
Paul's Cutting Correction
Elijah Mocks Prophets!   -   The Big Lie
Fools of Corinth   -   God Mocks Sinners
Paul's Funny Word Play

Humorous Quotes!
Atheists    -    Children    -    Death
Dogs & Cats    -    God and Man
Growing Old    -    Life's Lessons
Marriage    -    Money    -    Relationships
Stupidity    -    Success & Fame
Best of the Rest!

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